What's on TV tonight?

                                                                     

"Little House on the Prairie"-- If the plot is not recycled from Bonanza, the show will somehow try to cram problems from the 1970s into the 1870s. At least five people will cry during the episode.

"Matlock" --Apparently Atlanta doesn't know anything about forensics, so Matlock will be the only one who figures anything out. The trial will take place about 48 hours after the murder. Just like in real life.

"CSI" -- Someone will make a clever, witty remark right before the opening music. As the team tries to solve the case, they will inexplicably be interviewing suspects and witnesses, making the audience wonder what happened to all the police.

"Incredible Hulk" -- David Banner will stick his nose in where it doesn't belong and make some guys really mad. He will transform into the Hulk at 20 minutes after the hour and 48 minutes after the hour. Jack McGee may show up at the end.

"Quincy, M. E." -- Quincy will say the victim died from some social problem of society rather than an actual cause of death. He may or may not exhume a body.

"ER" -- While saving precious lives, half the staff will date the other half.

"Lost" -- In spite of the TV ads saying the next episode will answer all the questions, there will actually be a lot more questions raised. Trust me on this one. SKIP THIS SHOW.

"A Team" -- The team will work for some pretty young woman. They will offer to work for free "just this once." After being almost caught by the government, they will save the day.

"Knight Rider"-- Michael will help some other pretty woman. KITT will suddenly have a new feature that will never be seen again.

"MacGyver" -- Mac will use chewing gum and a paper clip to make a bomb and save the day.

"Law & Order" -- Seriously? They're still making new episodes of this show?

"The Simpsons" -- See above.

So, anything sound good? No? Good. After you finish reading my blog, you can go read a book. On your Kindle, of course.

My Baby is Graduating

This is my daughter. Well, the picture is a few years old. OK, I admit it. The picture is quite a few years old. Like 17 1/2 years.

Anyway, I am mad at my daughter right now. She knows why. It is because she is growing up. Not only that, she refuses to stop.

She was such a cute little baby. But she could not stay a baby. She would not even remain at the adorable toddler stage with the humorous mispronunciations and other precious moments. No, she had to "go to school" like the other kids.

Then, as she kept growing, she wanted to do some crazy things like become a "teenager" and "have a social life." Why not enjoy a nice quiet evening with Mom and Dad and watch a movie? No, that wasn't her thing.

Now, get this. She has decided that she's had enough schooling. She wants to "graduate." That's not all. She also wants to "learn to drive" and "get a driver's license." What's next? A job to support herself? Moving out on her own? Ha.

When she was in the adorable toddler stage, I used to hold my little daughter in my arms and ask "Do you promise to stay with me forever?" She always smiled and said "Yes." Then I would ask, "Can I get that in writing?" Her reply was a confused "What?" I would smile and think about how her being all grown up was so far into the future.

Well, folks, I should have gotten it in writing. Now it's too late. Now I have no paper to wave in her face and say, "See this? You can't grow up and move away. You signed a paper saying you would stay with me forever." Sure, the signature would be unreadable and some people might try to say you can't enforce a document signed by a 3-year-old, but I'm sure somebody out there somewhere would hold her to it. Right?

So now I sit here and wait for this so-called "graduation ceremony" to happen. I just have to watch as she grows into an adult and begins her own life. I stare in disbelief as she starts to become an independent young woman. How did this happen?

Wait a minute. I'll show her. I will make plans for her bedroom! Yes! That's it! I will turn it into a nice little study room with a daybed or futon so I can have a place to sit during the day and it can be used as a bed if we have any overnight guests. Yes. That will show her. It will show her, won't it?

When Weather Attacks

We all enjoy different kinds of weather. But sometimes weather fights back. One family thought they were going to enjoy a three day weekend. Instead, it turned into a nightmarish week of cancelled plans, raging cabin fever, and arduous journeys to the mailbox. These are some segments of a diary written by one of the survivors.

Day 1: The National Weather Service says there are going to be a few days of snow, but it doesn't sound like much will accumulate. Today we had some snow mixed with rain and by afternoon it turned into just snow. The yard is covered now. It's so pretty!

Day 2: Our meeting was cancelled, so we spent some time playing in the snow. Sledding is more fun than I ever remembered. We took lots of pictures and had a great time. There are maybe 3 inches in the yard. More snow is supposed to be on the way, but it should all be melted off a couple days after that.

Day 3: Today is a holiday so everyone had the day off from work and school. I got some laundry done and made some cookies. The snow isn't melting off and it looks like school will be cancelled tomorrow. Oh well. There is usually at least one snow day a year.

Day 4: Yes, school was cancelled. There is not much to do so I had the kids help with housework. We couldn't finish vacuuming because the power went out. It stopped snowing for a little while, so we went out for some groceries. We have about 6 inches now. There is supposed to be more snow tomorrow but then turn to rain in the afternoon. Maybe the kids will have school tomorrow.

Day 5: School was cancelled again. The power went out again. We finished the vacuuming and did more laundry but did not much else. Eight inches of snow now. There are little pellets of sleet coming down. It was supposed to turn to rain but it's 26 degrees. Tomorrow it will rain, won't it? There will be school tomorrow, right? Yes. Yes of course. Everything will be wonderful tomorrow.

Day 6: No school again. The power went out for more than two hours. Nothing to do. House getting colder. Snow keeps falling. Eleven inches in the yard. I don't know what day it is anymore. My family says I'm losing my sanity. They're coming to take me away, Ha Ha. They don't know anything. I'm not losing my sanity. Just because I am rocking back and forth and keep chanting "I hate snow" doesn't mean I am going crazy. I don't have a wild look in my eyes. Tomorrow it will rain, won't it? There will be school tomorrow, right? Everything will be wonderful tomorrow.

Day 7: AAUUUGH! School cancelled again. Another power outage this morning. Another day of... Wait. What's that noise? Ice pellets hitting the roof? No. It's water dripping. It's 38 degrees and raining. The snow. It's melting! MELTING! What a world. I am so out of here.

We can see from the diary that this experience was extremely difficult. Supplies ran low. Food was fine, but supplies of sanity and patience were extremely low. Cabin fever raged out of control. Yet this family was able to survive.

That's all for this episode of WHEN WEATHER ATTACKS.

Oh, What Amazing Times We Live In

The other day, while watching a movie in the living room, I received a phone call from my husband. Normally, I would not think this strange, but this time I felt confused. Because he was at home. He was downstairs in another room. He apparently needed to ask me a question. Often times, we use our cordless land line phones with the intercom to speak to someone in another room, but I guess he did not have one of those handy. So he called me. I began to think what a wonderful time we live in. Back in the olden times (the 20th century) to talk to someone upstairs, one would have to yell really loud to get a person's attention. What a strain on the throat and vocal chords. Thank goodness those days are behind us.

Nowadays, to contact a person in another part of the house, all we have to do is text them with our handy dandy little cell phones. How much easier that is then actually walking to another room to speak face to face.

Yes, this texting thing is quite amazing. Examine the following conversation taking place completely by two people texting back and forth.

A: Hey, want to catch a movie tonight?
1 minute later
B:Sure. What do you want to see?
1 minute later
A: Don't know. What do you like?
1 minute late
B: Anything is fine with me. What's playing?
1 minute later
A: Looks like that new superhero movie starts tonight.
1 minute late
B: Cool. What time?
1 minute later
A: There's a showing at 7:30.
1 minute later.
B: Great. What time do you want to meet?
1 minute later
A: Do you want to get dinner before the movie?
1 minute later
B: Sure. Love to.
1 minute later
A: Let's meet @ Red Robin @ 6 then.
1 minute later
B: C U L8TR.

Isn't that amazing? It only took about 10 minutes to make all these arrangements. If the one person had actually called the other person on that same phone, it might have taken up to TWO ENTIRE MINUTES to make those same arrangements.

Aren't we thankful for all this wonderful modern technology?

Kids These Days

When my kids were younger, I tried to convince them that my taste in music and entertainment was the only way to go. For a while, it seemed to be working. My little boy actually used to dance to Phil Collins music. And my daughter seemed to enjoy watching sappy dramas with me. But now, that's all changed. No matter what, I cannot get my kids into listening to Phil Collins anymore. They don't even want any Credence Clearwater Revival. My little boy (who is really not little at all anymore) listens to--gasp--Taylor Swift. And my daughter listens to--well, whoever it is, I haven't even heard of them. Neither one watches much TV with me anymore. They now prefer shows like iCarly and other goofy teen stuff. (I feel obligated to mention at this point that my not-so-little boy is really into cooking shows right now and I do actually enjoy some of them myself.) So what happened to my kids?

Whenever I start to complain--in my mind, at least--about my kids not appreciating the same entertainment I enjoy, I think about how my own parents would view my current tastes. I grew up with music by Gene Autry, people on the Lawrence Welk show, and a bunch of guys that yodeled a lot. Seriously, has anyone besides my dad heard of Elton Britt? We faithfully watched Little House on the Prairie and The Wonderful World of Disney. I think my folks would be surprised that I watch so much sci-fi now. We watch a lot of superhero movies and Star Trek related shows. And with the exception of a few memorable songs I grew up with, most of the music on my iPod is adult contemporary and 80s stuff. I'm sure my parents would not enjoy very much of it.

So what is a parent to do? Well, pretty much all we can do is raise our kids with a decent set of values and hope that they make choices about entertainment that go with those values. The only other choice would be to raise your kids in a sterile bubble and try to cram your opinions down their throats. But that might not be very practical.

Besides, I've heard bubbles like that cost a fortune.

We the Jury

Recently I had the opportunity to serve on a jury. It was a new experience for me and I'm not even sure if anyone I know has ever served on one.

When I first received my jury summons, I was not particularly pleased. I really didn't know what to expect and I wanted to avoid trials for major crimes, such as rape and murder. Even if all the evidence pointed to a defendant's guilt, I would always wonder if I had helped put an innocent person in prison (or worse). So when I made the phone call the night before to see if I had to report in, I was somewhat discouraged when my group number was one that would be needed.

The next day I dutifully reported in early and then proceeded to sit in a room with about 15 or so other people. Nobody talked to anybody else and most of us just sat there and read. Then the bailiff came in and showed us a movie about jury duty. (The movie was an actual video tape. Have these people heard of DVDs?) After another wait, we finally all traipsed into the courtroom and were assigned numbers.

Then the judge told us about the case. It was for somebody accused of driving under the influence. From what I could tell, there was only one witness: the officer who had arrested the defendant. One witness? This trial could be over today. A DUI? This case should be super easy. Just show me the results of the Breathalyzer and we are out of here. Sign me up.

After the judge and lawyer asked the group a bunch of questions, a couple of potential jurors were eliminated and the six people who happened to be in the front row were assigned to the actual jury. And I was one of them.

The actual trial finally began. One of the first things we learned was that the defendant had refused a Breathalyzer test. We had to base his guilt or innocence on the way he had been driving and results of field sobriety tests. Maybe not so easy after all. The police officer took the witness stand. His testimony must have taken the better part of two hours. Questions had to be broken down into little pieces. The same questions had to be repeated for each individual part of the field sobriety test. It got incredibly boring after a while, but I managed to stay awake and tried not to make up my mind regarding a verdict yet.

I actually got to hear in a real courtroom those things they say on those TV crime dramas:
"Let the record show that the witness has identified the defendant..." "Could you please demonstrate to the jury..." "This has been marked as exhibit A." "The prosecution rests, your honor." "The defense rests, your honor." I was hoping I could hear somebody shout "Objection!" but that didn't happen.

Eventually, we received our jury instructions, heard closing arguments, and finally went in to deliberate. The defendant had apparently been drinking, but had he consumed enough to be impaired in his driving? This is what we had to decide. Reaching a verdict didn't take much time. We talked for about 15 minutes and we were all in agreement. Reading the verdict took even less time. But after seeing all the details that had to be covered to make sure people get a fair trial, I can understand why everything in the legal system takes so much time.

All in all, it was a very interesting and educational experience. If I ever get a jury summons again, I don't have to wonder what will happen. I would even look forward to serving again if it is a simple case. With one witness. That can be completed in a day. Maybe two at the most.

The Last Cat Post

I took this picture of our cat last March. It is significant because it apparently will be the last one I ever take of her. It seems we have lost our Olivia.

This past spring, Olivia was exiled permanently to the outdoors after three consecutive days of wetting on the kitchen floor. During rainy weather, there were a couple times when someone in the family took pity on her and allowed her back in for a period of time, but she was pretty much an outdoor cat. Nearly every morning by about 6 am she was meowing at the door. Once in a while, we wouldn't see her for a day or two, but she always came back. Now we haven't seen her for an entire week. It is quite possible that another family has adopted her, but it just isn't like Olivia to not come back home.

We acquired her about 9 1/2 years ago. My mother-in-law was moving to an apartment and needed to find a good home for her. My husband kindly decided to take her in. That day, I got a phone call at work informing me of the new addition to the family.

Not long after this, the cat scratched my baby boy (granted, it was self defense since he pulled her tail) and also left a couple messes on our carpet. Which I had to clean up. It was at this time that the cat and I developed a love-hate relationship. I hated her and she loved tormenting me. Sometimes she would park herself practically on my foot and I wouldn't even know she was there until I tried to walk.

There were times when I did appreciate her presence. When we first got Olivia, we lived in an apartment that had a mouse problem. Within a few months, the mouse problem was gone. Often, she would leave a dead rodent outside the front door. She apparently thought we needed to be fed by her. On one occasion, she deposited a small fish near the door (apparently swiped from a neighbor cat's dish) and I also remember her catching a live bird. With the bird still in her mouth, she asked to be let in. I politely told her no and a few minutes later, the bird escaped. Yes, she was quite the little huntress in her day.

Although Olivia drove me crazy, she provided a number of humorous moments. Ah, the many times I tried to convince her that the food dish did not disappear, it had simply moved temporarily. (See "A Cat's Life.") The numerous occasions she fell down the stairs because we couldn't convince her to stop sleeping on the banister next to them. (See "Olivia--The Supercat?")

I sometimes felt like I was carrying on a conversation with Olivia even though I was obviously doing most of the talking and she was mostly staring. I will now entertain you (hopefully) with one of these so-called conversations and what I imagined she might be saying.

Olivia: Um, excuse me. I want to eat and my food dish is missing.
Me: Oh, I just moved it over here so I could mop and vacuum the kitchen floor. See, here it is.
Olivia: (blinks) Uh, yeah. My food dish is always in this spot and now it's gone. I need you to bring it back.
Me: It's right here. (I pick it up and shake it)
Olivia: (blinks again) Yeah, so if you could find my food dish and bring it here so I can eat, I'd appreciate it.
Me: Oh, forget it. I need to vacuum.
Olivia: AAAAAH! Big noisy thing! (runs away)

So here is my tribute to Olivia. I tried to keep it upbeat because she did have a long full life.

Besides, there is still a small chance she will decide to come back and surprise us all.