Parenting 101

Isn't it interesting how much some think they know about parenting even before they have kids? I know I used to have great ideas about parenting. If I heard a screaming toddler in the grocery store, I said to myself, "If that were my kid, I would..." and then come up with some solutions that would shape that kid right up. When I saw a baby with a pacifier, I thought how silly that was. Your baby doesn't need a pacifier if you simply make sure all his needs are met. If he's crying, find out why and fix the problem. Easy. And, of course, I would never be guilty of saying "Because I said so." I would calmly and logically explain the reason to the child who would immediately understand.

One day, some years later, I heard a screaming child in the grocery store. It turned out this particular child was sitting in my grocery cart. But nothing I did stopped the crying. What had happened to all those great ideas? Some I had already used, but they hadn't worked. The others--well, I was afraid that if I tried them, I would be arrested. The pacifier, which I had packed in the diaper bag also wasn't working. There was nothing left to do but cut the shopping trip short and go home.

As the kids got older, there were also many times I answered the question "Why?" with "Because I said so!" What had happened? Why wasn't I following my own great advice? In a word, REALITY.

Reality had taught me that even the most disciplined child gets bored after being in a grocery cart for an hour and sometimes nothing can stop the crying but heading home. I had also figured out that there are some babies who have all their needs met perfectly well, but still won't stop crying. In those cases, a pacifier may help. Sometimes. Reality had also told me that there are times when a child needs to obey without question and the old "Because I said so" standby is the best thing. If necessary, the logical reasoning process can follow later. After all, if your house was burning and you told your child to get out, you wouldn't answer their "Why" with logical reasoning.

So now, when I hear a crying child at the store, I sympathize with the poor mother (or father) instead of judging them. I also wonder if they would like a pacifier. For the child, I mean.