What's on TV tonight?

                                                                     

"Little House on the Prairie"-- If the plot is not recycled from Bonanza, the show will somehow try to cram problems from the 1970s into the 1870s. At least five people will cry during the episode.

"Matlock" --Apparently Atlanta doesn't know anything about forensics, so Matlock will be the only one who figures anything out. The trial will take place about 48 hours after the murder. Just like in real life.

"CSI" -- Someone will make a clever, witty remark right before the opening music. As the team tries to solve the case, they will inexplicably be interviewing suspects and witnesses, making the audience wonder what happened to all the police.

"Incredible Hulk" -- David Banner will stick his nose in where it doesn't belong and make some guys really mad. He will transform into the Hulk at 20 minutes after the hour and 48 minutes after the hour. Jack McGee may show up at the end.

"Quincy, M. E." -- Quincy will say the victim died from some social problem of society rather than an actual cause of death. He may or may not exhume a body.

"ER" -- While saving precious lives, half the staff will date the other half.

"Lost" -- In spite of the TV ads saying the next episode will answer all the questions, there will actually be a lot more questions raised. Trust me on this one. SKIP THIS SHOW.

"A Team" -- The team will work for some pretty young woman. They will offer to work for free "just this once." After being almost caught by the government, they will save the day.

"Knight Rider"-- Michael will help some other pretty woman. KITT will suddenly have a new feature that will never be seen again.

"MacGyver" -- Mac will use chewing gum and a paper clip to make a bomb and save the day.

"Law & Order" -- Seriously? They're still making new episodes of this show?

"The Simpsons" -- See above.

So, anything sound good? No? Good. After you finish reading my blog, you can go read a book. On your Kindle, of course.

My Baby is Graduating

This is my daughter. Well, the picture is a few years old. OK, I admit it. The picture is quite a few years old. Like 17 1/2 years.

Anyway, I am mad at my daughter right now. She knows why. It is because she is growing up. Not only that, she refuses to stop.

She was such a cute little baby. But she could not stay a baby. She would not even remain at the adorable toddler stage with the humorous mispronunciations and other precious moments. No, she had to "go to school" like the other kids.

Then, as she kept growing, she wanted to do some crazy things like become a "teenager" and "have a social life." Why not enjoy a nice quiet evening with Mom and Dad and watch a movie? No, that wasn't her thing.

Now, get this. She has decided that she's had enough schooling. She wants to "graduate." That's not all. She also wants to "learn to drive" and "get a driver's license." What's next? A job to support herself? Moving out on her own? Ha.

When she was in the adorable toddler stage, I used to hold my little daughter in my arms and ask "Do you promise to stay with me forever?" She always smiled and said "Yes." Then I would ask, "Can I get that in writing?" Her reply was a confused "What?" I would smile and think about how her being all grown up was so far into the future.

Well, folks, I should have gotten it in writing. Now it's too late. Now I have no paper to wave in her face and say, "See this? You can't grow up and move away. You signed a paper saying you would stay with me forever." Sure, the signature would be unreadable and some people might try to say you can't enforce a document signed by a 3-year-old, but I'm sure somebody out there somewhere would hold her to it. Right?

So now I sit here and wait for this so-called "graduation ceremony" to happen. I just have to watch as she grows into an adult and begins her own life. I stare in disbelief as she starts to become an independent young woman. How did this happen?

Wait a minute. I'll show her. I will make plans for her bedroom! Yes! That's it! I will turn it into a nice little study room with a daybed or futon so I can have a place to sit during the day and it can be used as a bed if we have any overnight guests. Yes. That will show her. It will show her, won't it?

When Weather Attacks

We all enjoy different kinds of weather. But sometimes weather fights back. One family thought they were going to enjoy a three day weekend. Instead, it turned into a nightmarish week of cancelled plans, raging cabin fever, and arduous journeys to the mailbox. These are some segments of a diary written by one of the survivors.

Day 1: The National Weather Service says there are going to be a few days of snow, but it doesn't sound like much will accumulate. Today we had some snow mixed with rain and by afternoon it turned into just snow. The yard is covered now. It's so pretty!

Day 2: Our meeting was cancelled, so we spent some time playing in the snow. Sledding is more fun than I ever remembered. We took lots of pictures and had a great time. There are maybe 3 inches in the yard. More snow is supposed to be on the way, but it should all be melted off a couple days after that.

Day 3: Today is a holiday so everyone had the day off from work and school. I got some laundry done and made some cookies. The snow isn't melting off and it looks like school will be cancelled tomorrow. Oh well. There is usually at least one snow day a year.

Day 4: Yes, school was cancelled. There is not much to do so I had the kids help with housework. We couldn't finish vacuuming because the power went out. It stopped snowing for a little while, so we went out for some groceries. We have about 6 inches now. There is supposed to be more snow tomorrow but then turn to rain in the afternoon. Maybe the kids will have school tomorrow.

Day 5: School was cancelled again. The power went out again. We finished the vacuuming and did more laundry but did not much else. Eight inches of snow now. There are little pellets of sleet coming down. It was supposed to turn to rain but it's 26 degrees. Tomorrow it will rain, won't it? There will be school tomorrow, right? Yes. Yes of course. Everything will be wonderful tomorrow.

Day 6: No school again. The power went out for more than two hours. Nothing to do. House getting colder. Snow keeps falling. Eleven inches in the yard. I don't know what day it is anymore. My family says I'm losing my sanity. They're coming to take me away, Ha Ha. They don't know anything. I'm not losing my sanity. Just because I am rocking back and forth and keep chanting "I hate snow" doesn't mean I am going crazy. I don't have a wild look in my eyes. Tomorrow it will rain, won't it? There will be school tomorrow, right? Everything will be wonderful tomorrow.

Day 7: AAUUUGH! School cancelled again. Another power outage this morning. Another day of... Wait. What's that noise? Ice pellets hitting the roof? No. It's water dripping. It's 38 degrees and raining. The snow. It's melting! MELTING! What a world. I am so out of here.

We can see from the diary that this experience was extremely difficult. Supplies ran low. Food was fine, but supplies of sanity and patience were extremely low. Cabin fever raged out of control. Yet this family was able to survive.

That's all for this episode of WHEN WEATHER ATTACKS.